I’ll start by saying that there are many reasons that a person can have for being disappointed in their marriage.Today, I’m going to cover one reason that I have discovered can cause disappointment in your marriage and what you can do to find satisfaction.

Recently, I was talking with a friend who described her husband in this way,  “He is everything to me; I love him and he totally completes me. I don’t know what I would do without him. I have given up everything to be with him. Yet, I still feel very insecure, and I wish he would change his ways to make me feel more important.”  As she spoke I thought, “God longs for us to love Him so much that He is our “everything’”, the One Who completes us; the Person for Whom we would give up everything; and the One we cannot imagine living without.” When that is truly our heart toward God we will be freed from the unrealistic expectation that our spouses can ever fully satisfy our need for security and love that only God can provide.


Stop expecting your spouse to fill every need to you have; he/she is NOT God.  God wants to “complete” us.  God created us with a space that only He can fill.  A human cannot “complete” us.  When we look to ANY human to fill our every need and desire we will be left disappointed.  We are not capable of being “everything” to anyone!  If we are not careful, we can put our spouse in the position of God in our lives, and expect more from him than he is able to give.  We must worship only the Creator, not the spouse he created.  Yes, we can deeply love our spouses, but it is a sin to make our spouses an idol in our lives which is what we do when we love and worship our spouses more than we do God.

God’s Word tells us:

Matthew 6:33

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Isaiah 44:6

“This is what the Lord says— Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God.”

Jeremiah 13:10

“These wicked people, who refuse to listen to my words, who follow the stubbornness of their hearts and go after other gods to serve and worship them, will be like this belt—completely useless!”

Romans 1:25

“They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.”

Deuteronomy 6:5

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.”

Ask God to give you a heart that makes Him the first “love of your life!”  

We often want God to be OVER our marriage, when God wants to be IN our marriage.  Here’s a simple diagram to demonstrate the difference.

Do you look at God from a distance as being in “heaven” far away, hoping he’s looking “over” your marriage?



Or, have you invited Him to be where He longs to be, “in” and at the very center of your marriage?


Written by Jamie Shaver